Laps

I, Daisy, have discovered laps. Not just any lap mind, but one that belongs to the adult female.

Now, I am greatly disturbed than no-one thought to tell me about this wonderful place before. I, Daisy, have been suffering from a chilled bottom ALL WINTER. The heater and the fire is all well and good for heating which ever part of me is pointed up, but my bottom is often down, and as such gets very cold.

But not so with a lap! What a wonderful invention.

Now I just need to train AFH to sit more and not run around after all these other stupid animals and humans so that I, Daisy, may luxuriate in the comfort of this lap thing.

I will prevail.

Hello....... this is Garfield talking for Daisy.

Daisy is very, very busy right now. Too busy to write to you so I said for her to carry on and I would write for her.

I caught her a mouse. Mummy doesn't like mouses in the house and can get quite noisy about it. But I forgotted to tell Daisy. So now Daisy is under mummy's bed with the mouse, mummy is yelling at kids to catch Daisy and/or the mouse. Kids are yelling at each other and Daisy is very cross that her toy is going to be taken away before she can play with it.

I think it is very unreasonable of mummy to act like this. Catching mouse is fun. Playing with mouse is fun. She can have it when we finished, so what's her problem?

It isn't as if rodents are a problem. She has 3 rats in a cage that are very, very mean to The Garfield. Do you know one bit me on my toe? I was only going to pat it...........honest. She made my toe bleed. I was so sad and I went all floppy and made mummy carry me around until I felt better. Rats are mean and nasty. Mice are cute and playful. Mummy should learn something from that.

Well, I got to go and try and help Daisy find a good hiding spot - under mummy's bed just doesn't seem to be working for her.

Ciao.

Feeding Daisy.

There are a couple of things you should know about this house.

Firstly, the floors are kauri, and AFH's pride.

Secondly, I Daisy live here.

Now, we have a couple of options for meals. There is a upright container that has biscuits available. They are there all day, every day.

There is also an upright water dispenser.

Finally there is a bowl that says 'CAT' on one side, and 'GOOD CAT' on the bottom of the bowl. Wet foods are put in this.

AFH and I are having a small dispute over feeding at the moment. I know I am cat. I do not need bowl to tell me. Bowl is ceramic - which at least is not plastic, but it is not FINE CHINA. Who does AFH think I am? I am not eating out of ceramic bowl. I want FINE CHINA. If none is available the second best thing to eat wet food off of is kauri. I fail to see where the problem is.

Someone needs to explain priorities to AFH I think.

I don't agree with winter

See.........................there I was hugging the fire and some bored human children got hold of some "hair product" and just look what they did to me, Daisy.

I do not have hair!!!

Children should be made to stay outside regardless of the weather.

Pffft!

Fitness and Strength

Autumn has come and I, Daisy, have discovered a fantastic fitness and hunting regime.

No matter which leaf you stalk, when you hit the pile of leaves you can't miss catching one. Of course it is ALWAYS the one you intended to catch all along.

All this running around makes me, Daisy, hungry but I have been having a bit of bother with a thief. Yes! Someone of a much lower status than I is nothing but a thieving cat food stealer!

I have spied from the window sill to discover the perpetrator of such a heinous crime and have assertained it is none other than Flo - the "Mighty Pig Dog".

Pffft!!!!!

Today, as they left for school the children left the ranch slider unlocked. The other oaf, Gus, can open this door with some sneaky cunning.

Sure, enough as AFH backed the car down the driveway, the dogs crept in to commit dastardly deeds.

"What did the other cats do?" I hear you ask.

Nothing. They sat in various poses looking like they were statues. Stupid cats. Imagine........ I, Daisy, had no idea how long AFH was going to be. Possibly all day! I could starve!

So I, Daisy, attacked. Spitting and snarling, I drove these sneaking, sculking thieves into the laundry, and there they stayed until AFH's return. Which wasn't really very long...........but might have been.

Gus heaved a huge sigh of relief and shot passed me and raced out the door to safety. But Flo, the "Mighty Pig Dog" hid in the laundry, beside the washer, facing the corner. Refused to look at either AFH or me, Daisy. Mwhahahaha.

I rule!

Language

I've been working on my verbal skills lately.

I, Daisy, have noticed that AFH goes all gooey when the cats talk to her.

Mo, the old boy, sits in the kitchen and says "Now", and she gets him his special food and chats away to him.

Jaz runs to her and says "Me, me, me, me", which I consider very self-centred, but makes AFH go "Awwww, baby, did ya miss me?"

Garfield is only a young lad, and is always in a huge hurry, so he hasn't really started to talk yet, but I think he is going to try the "Me, me, me" caper soon. He loves the attention. Stupid attention seeker.

So, after watching these goings on, I decided I would show what I was capable of. I put my verbal skills to the test during a grooming session while the teenage daughter was holding me and AFH was brushing. The daughter was looking me in the eye and calling me, Daisy, "Dragon Breathe". So I looked her in the eye, put on my most severe face and said......."Mole".

They both fell about laughing. Which was not quite the effect I was hoping for, but shows that my language skills are far superior to those of these other cats.

I'm working on "Imbicile" next. For that foolish man beast.

Heating

I'm devastated. Totally devastated I tell you. I, Daisy, have just found out that there is NO underfloor heating in this house WHATSOEVER! I mean, WHAT????

I thought they were just being cheap and turning it off over summer, due to there being a large contingent of animals to feed and me, Daisy, not settling for just any old rubbish. But no! There isn't any anywhere. The thermostat that is on the wall is a decoy, that is all. Stupid thermostat.

I will grant they do have a fire place. But they don't use it the way I, Daisy, require. I actually, love the fire and could sit for hours with my nose 5mm from the glass watching the flicker flames, but honestly, my bottom gets cold. The smell of singed fur does not disturb me at all, I can grow more. But they are constantly grizzling at me to "Get away from the fire". Why? It is my fire!

By the early hours of this morning though the fire had died. So I, Daisy, had to huddle hard up against it's base to glean the last fragments of heat. The foolish man threw another log on it at 5.30am - what good is that? It needs flames, even I, Daisy, know this. Stupid man.

They have lit it again. I have to go before the chill becomes too great for my fragile self. I must try to absorb every atom of heat coming from this fire so that I can store it for later. There must be a way.

Birds

I have come to the unmitigated conclusion that all the humans are quite, quite mad here.

They have just brought home a second bird. As if the first one was not noisy enough and dangerous enough, they have a second bird in a second cage. Crazy.

The first one they called Gizmo. Stupid name. I have heard them say she is a "lori" whatever that means. I have watched her and she likes shiny things and ripping the bells off her toys.

The other day she was out of the cage. This is totally unacceptable as she tried to attack me. Imagine...........she was either after my beautiful eyes or my shiny bell. Either way, I am convinced she is evil and I refuse to look at her any more in case she decides to do irreparable harm to me, Daisy. AFH said she merely crash landed near me after being startled, but I know better - that attack was planned and executed with malice I am sure.

Oh, this Gizmo tries to lull me into a false sense of security. Wolf whistling at me and talking quiet bird talk, but that evil laugh and the beady eyes tell a different story. I am Daisy. I am not stupid.

I have taken Garfield, the small ginger, to task on this and he is forever trying to catch both birds. Unfortunately they are doubly protected, first by the steel cages and secondly a bottle of liquid that is sprayed at him by AFH. She says it is "just water", but I have seen Garfield run after being hit with a dose of this liquid. I think it may be nasty and possibly lethal.

Tables

Well, it is I, Daisy the cat and I would like to discuss the happenings of last night.

I was walking over the table in the dining room as I want to do at times.....it is MY table after all, when the alpha male started calling "Oi, Daisy. Daisy. Oi, hey, oi Daisy" while waving his arms around in a vague and annoying manner.

Well honestly, I was so put out that he "oi'ed" me I sat down and gave him my best "Are you a complete idiot all the time?" stare. I mean what did he want me to do? I couldn't see anything in the air for him to be waving his arms at that he might have wanted me to catch.....as if I would for him anyway, hehe. And I am far to superior for him to be directing "oi's" at thank you very much.

The longer I stared, the more he waved his arms around. Stupid man. It was highly disturbing.

After a wee while AFH said "Daisy, please get off the table". So I did. But I still haven't worked out what the other oaf was on about.

This man disturbs me greatly and I am now working on a plan to get him outside with the dogs.

You would think that Jaz, the grey cat, would want to work with me on this. She dislikes him nearly as much as I, Daisy, do. But she hates everyone equally I think. So I, Daisy, must come up with a workable plan for the other cats to follow. They will do as I say of course, it is just a matter of time.

Males and Fleas

Today both male humans went away on "camp". I'm unsure what this camp is, but have watched tv and seen male human on there called Carson that AFH called camp. Sounds sick to me.

The males packed a lot of stuff into interesting smelling bags and packs, but on careful inspection I see alpha male has left much stuff in bedroom he shares with AFH. I am most disappointed. Alpha male belongs in kennels with dogs. He takes up too much room, makes too much noise and does not respect me, Daisy The Cat, as he should. Stupid man.

Young human male sulks alot. He needs more practice at this to become as aloof as me though. I hope this camping business is good for him.

I have invented new game with AFH. It is fun. When she goes to bed I wait for her to get comfortable reading her book then I sit in front of book. She sighs and mutters but because I am Daisy she does not push me out of way. She will hold up blankets for me to climb in but I make her wait, as I am not to be rushed.

I do not like the medications they inflict on me. One is for flea's! But I, Daisy, would never have fleas. The other one is for worms. How disgusting. I do not eat worms - the birds do and I am cat not bird. I have developed a technique to spit the worm tablet very far. I am aiming to get it passed the television but as yet can only bounce the nasty pill off the front of it. The problem is they only give medicines every three moon cycles, so I, Daisy, forgot. I will keep better track of cycles from now on so I am prepared for the assault next time.

I am going to bed now to try and rub much of this "flea treatment" off. I think I will rub in males half of big bed. He is much more likely to have flea than me, Daisy.

Bye for now.

Photo

I see AFH (alpha female human) has supplied a picture of me.

I must say, this is a very poor picture and does not show me in my true glory. But it did remind me that AFH mentioned a wee while back that someone on Trademe message boards stated there is no such thing as a Black Burmese. She went on to say that this meant I was only half Burmese and didn't have "papers".

What utter rot. Silly woman. I have seen papers, they are one of the blue books on the bookshelf that travels with me to the vet. I have seen the human writing and will report this. It says name Daisy (of course), then species - cat (only a human would need this clarified for them. How silly, of course I am cat). Then it says breed. This is the bit I am interested in. It says Burmese X. Humans seem to have a problem with the "X" - I know that it means "Burmese - that's it.....nothing else". Mummy was a Burmese and silly humans need to understand cat more and human less.

Then it says (DSH). Now, humans seems to have a problem with this too so I will clarify it for you. DSH means "Don't Stop Honouring"! ( I will clarify the DLH for you as well as you have a problem here as well.............this means "Don't Leave Hungry"). I don't know why both are not on every "paper" because the rules are quite obvious really.

I don't know where they come up with this "Domestic Short Hair" business. I am definitely not anything as common as "domestic" and I don't have hair. Get it right. PT.............fffffft, oh look, I've got quite upset now and my fur has fluffed in places it is going to take the rest of the day to re-groom. I am going to lie in front of my mirror so I can gaze at my gorgeous face and calm down. Please do not disrupt this activity. It is highly important. fffffffffttt!

Greetings

Hello people. Daisy The Cat here.
I thought it was time for an enthralling installment from me, Daisy The Cat. I am not just any cat, I am "The Cat". For those of you who don't know my tale, I am 3 years old and arrived at this new home about 4 or 5 months ago. It has been a long learning curve for the humans in this house, but slowly they are learning my rules!

This business of calling me Crazy Daisy has petered out. I mean who did they think they were; messing with my name? I may not have known my mother for long but, by golly, she taught me the ways of a Burmese and one of those ways is not to let anyone mess with your name!

While they have stopped with the silly Crazy Daisy stuff, they have introduced a new word when introducing me..........emo. "Emo Daisy". I will assume it is part of this funny 'Maori' language the boy human brings home, and perhaps described my colour or status (of which I have made sure is strictly noted as top of the heap thank you very much). Maori has lots of vowels in it, so I chose to be right there. I was rather impressed with the new collar the 'emo' word earned me. It is rather spiffy black with red spikes around it. Ever so flash and slightly tough......which is good as the horrible dogs don't have one so, ergo, I am tougher than them. Which I knew already of course, but they need telling daily. Stupid dogs!

I have started rewarding the alpha female human (AFH) with small amounts of very low key purring. She gets ever so pleased when I do and, as she brings me treats such as sardines, I don't mind the ocassional softening towards her. She serves me well. The alpha male human (PIG) on the other hand is going to feel my wrath very shortly. I am seriously considering depositing my next furball in his shoe. Horrid male turns me upside down onto my back and rubs my stomach. He mutters "You want a nice belly rub?" while doing it. NO I DO NOT! And will he learn? Will he heck.........I spit and growl my displeasure at him, and he laughs. Not nearly good enough in the respect stakes let me tell you! Stupid man!

I have been showing them my skills at hunting. I have brought in several moths now, but for some reason they fall about laughing making statements about "fags" hanging from "washerwomens mouths" or some such statement. Coronation Street (whatever that is) gets a mention while they are laughing and how they should put a scarf on my head with some rollers. It all sounds far too silly and juvenile for my liking, and they are not nearly as impressed as they should be.

I heard the alpha female say to her male hunter that I wanted to be friends with the other cats but just didn't have the skills to make the transition. Pfffft - as if!. By golly humans can be silly. I am friends with the strange little ginger Garfield. He is far too corny to take offence to and just wants cuddles and play. He is good for the early morning game of tag, though he can be a little forward sometimes. The other two cats will bow to my superior will in time. You just see if they don't.

Well, it is time to go and disrupt the sleeping arrangements some more. That is one of my favourite past-times. TTFN.