Language

I've been working on my verbal skills lately.

I, Daisy, have noticed that AFH goes all gooey when the cats talk to her.

Mo, the old boy, sits in the kitchen and says "Now", and she gets him his special food and chats away to him.

Jaz runs to her and says "Me, me, me, me", which I consider very self-centred, but makes AFH go "Awwww, baby, did ya miss me?"

Garfield is only a young lad, and is always in a huge hurry, so he hasn't really started to talk yet, but I think he is going to try the "Me, me, me" caper soon. He loves the attention. Stupid attention seeker.

So, after watching these goings on, I decided I would show what I was capable of. I put my verbal skills to the test during a grooming session while the teenage daughter was holding me and AFH was brushing. The daughter was looking me in the eye and calling me, Daisy, "Dragon Breathe". So I looked her in the eye, put on my most severe face and said......."Mole".

They both fell about laughing. Which was not quite the effect I was hoping for, but shows that my language skills are far superior to those of these other cats.

I'm working on "Imbicile" next. For that foolish man beast.

Heating

I'm devastated. Totally devastated I tell you. I, Daisy, have just found out that there is NO underfloor heating in this house WHATSOEVER! I mean, WHAT????

I thought they were just being cheap and turning it off over summer, due to there being a large contingent of animals to feed and me, Daisy, not settling for just any old rubbish. But no! There isn't any anywhere. The thermostat that is on the wall is a decoy, that is all. Stupid thermostat.

I will grant they do have a fire place. But they don't use it the way I, Daisy, require. I actually, love the fire and could sit for hours with my nose 5mm from the glass watching the flicker flames, but honestly, my bottom gets cold. The smell of singed fur does not disturb me at all, I can grow more. But they are constantly grizzling at me to "Get away from the fire". Why? It is my fire!

By the early hours of this morning though the fire had died. So I, Daisy, had to huddle hard up against it's base to glean the last fragments of heat. The foolish man threw another log on it at 5.30am - what good is that? It needs flames, even I, Daisy, know this. Stupid man.

They have lit it again. I have to go before the chill becomes too great for my fragile self. I must try to absorb every atom of heat coming from this fire so that I can store it for later. There must be a way.

Birds

I have come to the unmitigated conclusion that all the humans are quite, quite mad here.

They have just brought home a second bird. As if the first one was not noisy enough and dangerous enough, they have a second bird in a second cage. Crazy.

The first one they called Gizmo. Stupid name. I have heard them say she is a "lori" whatever that means. I have watched her and she likes shiny things and ripping the bells off her toys.

The other day she was out of the cage. This is totally unacceptable as she tried to attack me. Imagine...........she was either after my beautiful eyes or my shiny bell. Either way, I am convinced she is evil and I refuse to look at her any more in case she decides to do irreparable harm to me, Daisy. AFH said she merely crash landed near me after being startled, but I know better - that attack was planned and executed with malice I am sure.

Oh, this Gizmo tries to lull me into a false sense of security. Wolf whistling at me and talking quiet bird talk, but that evil laugh and the beady eyes tell a different story. I am Daisy. I am not stupid.

I have taken Garfield, the small ginger, to task on this and he is forever trying to catch both birds. Unfortunately they are doubly protected, first by the steel cages and secondly a bottle of liquid that is sprayed at him by AFH. She says it is "just water", but I have seen Garfield run after being hit with a dose of this liquid. I think it may be nasty and possibly lethal.